UPDATED AND DEBUNKED! Another Day, Another Ghostbusters Rumor

UPDATED: Seems Hodgman took to the Twittersphere last night to issue a clarification.  He has not been offered any such role in Ghostbusters 3, he was merely speculating on a hypothetical actor's dilemma.  Nothing to see here.  Move along...

Yesterday the great John Hodgman was on WFMU's The Best Show and got into a discussion with host Tom Scharpling about real life ghosts, as well as the proposed third Ghostbusters movie, a movie which Hodgman and Patton Oswalt had both previously dismissed as a terrible idea on that very program.  During the discussion, Hodgman put forth the following:

If you were hypothetically offered a role in Ghostbusters 3... would you take the role? Let's say you're [playing] sort of the dissolute son of Egon, the Harold Ramis character, and you're kind of like John Candy in Splash, you're kind of a mess. But it turns out you're a natural ghost-whisperer, a natural psychic. But here's the thing: Bill Murray's not going to be in this movie, and probably not happy that you are. But you get to be in a major role, in a major movie and one of the greatest franchises of all time. Would you do it? 

Now that's a provocative hypothetical.  What's unclear is just how hypothetically Hodgman was actually speaking.  If this movie is really going to happen, then I don't hate the idea of Hodgman as Spengler Jr., and I give him credit as an actor for actually considering such a role within a larger context.

This is all still vapor-news right now, little more than rumor and conjecture.  I honestly find it unlikely that Sony's actually at the point of offering people roles yet, and even if they were I'd think that surrogate-Venkman would be the place to start.  John Hodgman is not going to make or break this terrible idea of a movie.

MOVIE NEWSABLES: Star Trek, Ghostbusters, Expendables and Remake City

Consider this a test flight for a new feature, Newsables.  Think of it like Lunchables, a collection of bite-sized news items that are all interesting, but don't really contain enough details to warrant their own articles.  Let's do this.

• J.J. Abrams has confirmed, both to Vulture and to Entertainment Weekly, that he will definitely be returning to the director's chair for the next installment of Star Trek.  While the principle cast members are all returning, the script is still unfinished and there are no plot details yet.  He directed the crap out of the first movie, hopefully the script will be a little tighter this time out.

• The official Ghostbusters Facebook page announced today that the classic supernatural comedy will be returning to theaters next month.  No word on the number of theaters, specific locations, how long it'll run, or what kind of transfer we'll be getting.  Clearly the theatrical revisit will be Sony's way of gauging interest in the theoretical second sequel.  My feelings on the matter are well documented.

• Highlander is a really cool idea that was very poorly executed...twice.  I therefore have no real problem with the impending remake scripted by Iron Man scribe's Art Marcum and Matt Holloway.  Juan Carlos Fresnadillo has come on board to direct, which might be good in that it means he probably won't be able to direct the remake of The Crow.  Fresnadillo is best known for directing the largely forgettable 28 Weeks Later.

• Also getting remade?  Point Break.  This time the gang of bank robbers will be extreme sports junkies instead of merely surfers.  Honestly, who cares?  There's nothing particularly novel about the concept here, the only thing that makes it stand out is the dynamic between Keanu and Swayze, and obviously they're not coming back again.  So what's the point?

• Finally, following the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis will be returning for larger roles in Expendables 2, Sylvester Stallone has confirmed that Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris will both be appearing as well.  JCVD will reportedly have a sizable showdown with Stallone.  Norris will probably crap out a baby unicorn and melt off Mickey Rourke's face by looking at him cross-eyed.

Open Letter To Dan Aykroyd: Walk Away From Ghostbusters III

Dear Mr. Aykroyd,

First off, let me start with a word of thanks.  You (and your friends) were largely responsible for the majority of the comedy that most influenced me during my formative years.  Spies Like Us, Trading Places, Couch Trip, The Great Outdoors...this is the stuff I grew up on.  Your work on SNL is beyond classic and you co-wrote my two favorite movies of all time: The Blues Brothers and Ghostbusters.  With The Blues Brothers you not only affected my taste in movies, but also in music.  You helped instill a love of bluesmen like John Lee Hooker and T-Bone Walker, along with all the great tunes that came out of the singular band you and John Belushi put together.  (Did you know that The Blues Brothers are the highest grossing blues act of all time?  Of course you do, you're Dan Aykroyd.)  

When it comes to Ghostbusters...well I challenge you to find a bigger fan that hasn't been named in a restraining order.  The "no-ghost" symbol is the permanent wallpaper on my iPhone, (replacing Cab Calloway on my previous phone) I can quote large swaths of the DVD director's commentary (which I would contend is almost as funny as the movie itself) and I even once visited the New York Public Library solely to find the locations where you shot the opening scenes of the movie.  When I was a kid, I wore out my cassette tape of the Ghostbusters II soundtrack.  Hell, I used to work on the Sony lot and one of my favorite memories of that time was spending weeks working 50 feet away from Ecto-1 and perusing the glass case containing a proton pack, fake newspapers, and other memorabilia.  So please, understand that when I say the following, it comes from a place of love and respect:

Don't make Ghostbusters III.  Please.  Just walk away.

I know you've been working with Sony to get this project off the ground for some time, and that the recent success of the Ghostbusters video game injected a bit of life in the franchise.  I know you have a lot of faith in Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, two guys who can be very funny (The Office, Bad Teacher) or extremely flat (Year One).  I also know that  you've had a hard time convincing Bill Murray to get on board, which is probably the biggest weight around the project's neck right now.  Then yesterday you went on Dennis Miller's radio show and said that you're hoping to shoot next year with or without Murray.

But let's pump the brakes for a minute and remember back about ten years to Blues Brothers 2000.  Here was a sequel to one of your most iconic films that happened decades after the original.  You literally got the band back together, although the unfortunate lack of John Belushi proved to be too large of an obstacle.  The fact that most of the movie took place outside of Chicago didn't help either.  While you managed to create an amazing soundtrack, the film itself just flat out didn't work.

Now don't misunderstand me; I'm not saying that Ghostbusters III won't work without Bill Murray.  I'm saying it won't work.  Period.  The first film worked because of the relationship between the characters and the world they inhabited.  In the words of Ivan Reitman, "it's a going-into-business story" in the middle of 1980s, Ronald-Reagan-era New York City.  The characters are incredibly rooted in that time and place.  Can you imagine Peter Venkman in today's world?  A guy who electrocutes one of his students so that he can sleep with another?  In 1984 he's a charming rogue, a game show host.  Now he's a slimeball.  Nobody wants to root for that guy anymore.  Egon would inevitably become some sort of D.J. Qualls-esque computer hacker, Winston would become an unstoppable Navy SEAL (probably the guy who took down Bin Laden), and Ray...well I shudder to think.  

Moreover, in reality, that movie was made at a very specific time in Hollywood, just before special effects shifted from optical to digital.  The technological constrictions of the time actually HELP the movie.  The flying library cards, the demon arms grabbing Dana Barrett through the arm chair, the terror dogs, Mr. Stay Puft...some of the most iconic images in the movie were achieved using practical effects, puppets and miniatures, which lent a credibility to the movie.  So much of that movie looks real because it IS real, and it makes the effects-based creatures like Slimer even crazier because they stand in such sharp contrast.

Now, I know the idea here is not to remake the movie, but instead to pass the neutrono wand to a new generation of paranormal investigators, but frankly, no one wants to see that.  First of all, I'm outright terrified of who they'd cast as your replacements.  Second of all, I just don't see a need to try and reinvent the wheel here or wring a few more dollars out of a franchise whose time has long since passed.  People hunting ghosts is hardly a novel concept; I think SyFy has about three hours of similar themed reality shows airing every day.  Sony isn't interested in making a paranormal comedy or continuing to develop the world you created over 25 years ago.  This is all about brand recognition, about getting butts in the theater based solely on the fact that the title sounds familiar. 

At this point there may not be much left to do.  Even if you and the rest of the original cast abandoned the project, I'm sure Sony would simply adapt the script to your absence or convert the movie into a straight up reboot.  But at least that would provide some separation between the movies we all know and love (for the most part...I'm in the minority that still enjoys Ghostbusters II) and whatever nonsense ended up on film two to three years from now.  Plus it would make you, Harold, Bill and Ernie come off as the classier parties.  

You're in the pantheon of comedy Mr Aykroyd, in large part because of Ghostbusters.  That's a legacy that will never go away, and you don't need to try recapturing lightning in a bottle just to prove you're still relevant.  All you can do is taint it.  (Don't believe me?  Look at the Star Wars prequels.)

Don't play their game Mr. Aykroyd.  Take the high road.  

Just walk away.